PURE PARADISE...

Having had one of the shittiest days one could ever imagine,

I wanted,  needed a break...

More like a distraction.

I knew what would cure that...

Probably a little treat of icecream...

Toss in some chocolate, good music...

Probably a call from Him...

Yeah, that should put me in a better mood.

It should... but it didn't.

*****

Instead I ended up in a worse mood, much worse than how I had started out. 

I knew what I needed; I knew it was one of those days that called for totally, unabashed and embarassing behaviour.

I had gone to see Him...

Ofcourse, we had had sex...

No. not sex, we had 'made love'.

 But that was far from what I wanted.

I didn't want to make love, I didn't want to be cuddled and I sure as hell didn't want my hair to be stroked...

 

I knew what I needed... I knew how I wanted it done...

I knew that I wanted to be hoarse... I knew I wanted to have sweet pains...

I knew I wanted to shed tears of ectasy...

Hell, I even wanted to have bite marks.

I left His house feeling guilty because I knew that He wasn't the one I was going to call...

For what I needed, He couldn't give...

So I turned to the one who would make it all come true.

The one whom I reserved for occassions as this...

 He answers on the third ring and of course is ready to indulge my carnality...

Ours is an unspoken agreement; Ours is a beautiful understanding.

We are both so caught up in our guilt that we just choose to see past the wrong we do.

*****

He gets here, the object of my desire...my sinful pleasure...

We need not speak words... We only listen to that which the body speaks...

He gives me what I want, just the way I want it...

Surpassing every expectation; understanding every moan.

Me and mine... we speak the language of the gods...

He takes me to the pinnacle... my head floats.

Breathless... Speechless...Flawless...

I couldn't have asked for a better performance...

My need has been satisfied... My conscience creeps in...

Engraving in my mind the fact that my indulgence is a dangerous one.

But how do I ignore the flaming embers of desire?

How do I explain that there is the one that my heart needs and yet another that my body craves...

*****

With a long kiss... He leaves me...

Going home to the arms of his loving wife...

And I, to the arms of my waiting love...

And there He will be...

Until the next time, I have a shitty day...

 

INVINCIBLE...

The rain drops make a soft lullaby on the rooftops,

The gentle pitter-patter echoes the sound of life.

The curtains are drawn, the breeze whistling soft verses of poetry,

The sheer stillness speaks volumes.

I love the rain, it puts me in a serene kind of mood.

In actual fact, it gives me an excuse to stay indoors,

It gives me an excuse to stay hidden.

Mine is a story of a fallen angel,

Defeated, only in the mind, but an angel nonetheless.

I once read a story...

A story about a man...

He had everything one could ever imagine...

Lots of money, a trophy wife, a big house with the white picket fence,

Two beautiful children, a boy and a girl...

The perfect man with the perfect wife creating a picture of the perfect family...

Known by all, envied by most...

Remembered by a single bullet shot through the head...

That perfect man who lived the perfect life, met the perfect death...

How does this relate to me?

I'll tell you.

That perfect man, with the perfect life and I have some astonishing similarities.

Every one carries a secret, a dark shadow that lurks around the corner...

Waiting for that perfect moment...

Everyone has that thing that they are most ashamed of...

For me, that thing that I wish I never had...

That thing I am most ashamed of...

Is... ME.

I am the perfect porcelain doll...

Beautifully created... tastefully arched... skillfully polished...

Worthy enough to cost you your second, third, fourth and fifth glances.

Groomed in all social graces, courtesies and dips...

But that is as far as it goes...

******

An evil tradition beckoned...

And placed on me the heaviness of duty...

So I did, without batting an eyelid...

I did what was expected of me.

I married him, the man I hated...

The man I couldn't bear his presence...

The man who consumed the very life of me just by trying to love me...

Iwas a voiceless face... committed to a fate that mocked the concept of life itself...

The perfect death awaited me...

 In fact, Death paled in comparison to the trials that were ahead of me...

Oh yes, we were the perfect family; He was the perfect man, husband and father...

And ofcourse, I was the perfect woman, wife and mother...

That is until...

I ended the dream with a single bullet hole to his head.

That is my secret, This is my dark shadow.

Yet, every one looks on at me...

As the grieving widow.

Even the ones who should know better, choose to ignore...

I sat with them every day, dined with them...

And yet they looked everywhere for the killer...

Everywhere but here;

Right in front of them...

HE SAID... SHE SAID...

He said:

When I see her, I just want to be with her and give her everything she needs...

Why can't she see that I am afraid of messing up what we are struggling to build?

She's beautiful, she's charming, she's witty...

She would be the perfect woman for any guy...ok not just any guy...

For me...

But when she looks at me, I wonder what she's thinking about...

Those deep, soulful eyes boring into my face like she's got the keys to the deepest recesses of my soul...

She doesnt see through me, she sees me... She gets me...

That is freaky...

I just wish there was a way to make her understand...

She said:

I look at him, sitting there, lost in his own world...

And I wonder, how is it that he's so calm...

Can he not understand that I crave for him so much it hurts?

Its like he has put up some kind of barrier that shields him...

Is he afraid of letting go?

Is he cautious of allowing himself to even care about me?

I do not want to seem insecure but he keeps on sending mixed signals...

His mouth says one thing yet his body says another...

Can I continue like this, being so close to him yet so far?

I need to make him understand that I'm here for him, that I want this...

But how?

He said:

Wow, she's braver than I thought...

She's really strong, managing to keep her feelings for me at bay...

Could it be mere pretense? or could it be real?

Is it possible that she doesn't like me in that way?

Wow, that thought has never crossed my mind...

How does that make me feel? it makes me feel weird in a bad way.

Ego tripping? maybe... probably.

I want her, that's certain...

But I'm not sure I want her the way she wants me to want her...

Pathetic? Yeah I thought so too...

She said:

Oh! Can you just ask me out already?

Like really, how hard can this be?

You already know how much I like you...

And I think you like me too.

So what in God's holy name is keeping you?

Ok so they say a girl's supposed to be patient...

But how patient is patient?

Am I supposed to wait forever?

Make up your damn mind and let me know what the deal is...

Ok! deep breath... let it out slowly...

Whew!!! is finding a man this hard?

Or is there more to this?

I do not know how much longer I can wait...

He said:

So she's withdrawing, she hasn't said so but I can sense it...

The calls have reduced, the long chats, the way she relates...

A new guy perhaps? Nah, she likes me too much to do that...

Or does she?

The other day we were hanging out, I kinda overheard her talking with one of 'the girls'...

'Bout her being in the market and all... and 'bout her needing something new...

Jealous? Maybe...

i'll just let her be for a while, I'm sure she will get back to being herself with me...

It's just probably 'one of em days'...

*shrugs*

She said:

I met someone yesterday,

He's rily cute and sweet and he makes me laugh...

We've been hanging out quite a lot and I like that...

Kinda helps in taking my mind off that 'painfully slow dude'...

*rolling my eyes*

I've come to the conclusion that he really doesn't like me...

Too bad 'cos this guy seems really nice.

Rebound? not really afterall, I never got to making it official with HIM...

*hiss*

So it can not be considered as a rebound.

I still think about him tho, but not as much as before...

*shrug*

He said:

I'ts official, she's seeing that dude...

What could she possibly and humanly see in him? really?

I just can not understand females...

i thought she liked me... you know...

We had a thing! I wasn't imagining it...

I'm pretty sure it wasn't all in my head...

She led me on... the b*!@T

That's what she did...

I still have a chance tho...

I think its time to turn my A game on...

Poor guy hasn't got a chance... lame ass dude,

I almost feel sorry for him...

She said:

Hahahaha!!! I feel sorry for HIM...

Walking round like a wounded puppy...

You freaking had your chance, you blew it...

What did you expect? I was gonna sit and wait for you?

I did wait, I did show you how much I cared about you...

But no, you just could not man up and do the right thing...

*sigh*

Now I don't see you that way anymore...

You're like .. my brother...

That would be incest

*ewwww*

You're a really good friend now... my person...

*hug*

I love you...

He said:

That hurt!... Friend zone? Brother?

So freaking condescending...

how did I ever get here?

Listening to her raving and ranting 'bout this new guy...

Telling me how good he is....

*shudders*

I wanna kill him, and her too...

All I was tryna do was be a gentleman... dats not in vogue anymore?

Then why in God's name didn't I get the bloody memo?

Sweet Jesus!!!

*scoffs*

Now, I'm the one she's seeking advice from, on how to please her man...

I'm supposed to offer my shoulder when she's hurting? really?

This sucks!!!

I really botched it this time...

But Imma make sure it doesn't happen again...

*walks off*