borderline...

Picking up my pen, I stare at the paper in front of me;

The paper, like every other thing around me, is blank;

A white mass of blur stays stationery in front of me;

The therapist told me that I should always put my feelings on paper;

So I carry a pen and paper around everywhere I go.

Does it help? At first;

It seemed almost therapeutic to see the things bottled up inside come alive;

But after a week, I gathered up my different pieces and had read them to her;

Session after session...

Until she told me that what I had was a deeply rooted abyss that nothing could fill...

What the hell did that mean?

Everyone has an abyss, I reasoned, everyone had that space that needed to be filled...

Bottom line, she refused to see me again.

So I left, but I kept up that little piece of activity...

It felt kinda good, I needed a release and writing did it for me.

But there are times I dread, times such as this,

Times that not even writing satisfies me;

Times where I feel myself crawling into that unconfortable, brooding space;

Times when the feeling of helplesness drowns me.

I am not one to feel sorry for myself and lament woefully about how things are not working..

Neither am I one to sit and cry and wait for people to help me..

It is what it is...

This thing... I cannot help it;

I cannot fathom it and so I cannot cure it.

This is one of those times;

And once again, my pen and paper fail me...

Music fades quietly, I can't hear the noises of activity

Slowly, the faces of the people I know no longer seems familiar

At times like this, I wish my therapist never quit on me,

It felt good to see that horrid brown couch,

And talk to someone whose as dead as a stone.

But the fun fare is over, its time to settle comfortably to this other phase thats threatening to overcome.

Maybe if I embrace and welcome it, it may decide to leave earlier than usual...

but till then;

Its just me, my pen and my trusty old white piece of paper.

ECSTASY

And so it takes me;

Wave over wave over wave of emotion;

No matter how hard I try, I cannot stop the extreme bubbles of passion rising up within me;

So I just let myself go; enjoying the moment;

Till it passes.

How did it happen? Can iI even remember?

Closing my eyes, I recall how it all started.

Oh! the currents had been buzzing; We had both known what was coming but We chose to ignore;

And then out of the blue, a phone call was made;

Plans were cancelled and newer plans were initiated;

Everything we both did was simply for this moment...

Red wine and Massage oils;

Chatting by Scented Candles and Dinner;

Everything added up...

Food eaten up; Wine drunk with the bottle empty;

Soft music in the background and idle chatter on the couch...

Comfort sets in; and at the same time; abandon sets in...

Sparks are ignited by little, random touchings...

What happened next? I ask...

Oh yes! I stood up to demonstrate something and it all escalated from there...

Two people... A volcano of emotions...

Erupted passions...

To create the most intense feeling ever...

Breathing much more regular now, I turn and settle deeper into an embrace...

Oh! the average human is selfish..

And I'm no different...

In a situatuon where more is offered...

More will be accepted.

And thats the last thing on my mind as another electric wave of passion seizes me...

M.O.R.E...

BEHIND THE VEIL (3)

Watching and waiting, minding neither sleep nor slumber,

The mysterious woman keeps guard at Her post by the window.

Dressed in her black regalia, She ponders,

She's been kept in this room for weeks now;

Initially refusing to eat unitl the hefty and scary man forces Her to.

Now that man fills Her with dread, He looks upon Her with pure, unadulterated hatred.

Once He comes in, the atmosphere is filled with the vilest essence one can imagine...

Now, they have a way of making Her do things,

The moment She begins to prove difficult, They send her remedy.

So now, She's alone... as always,

It has been days since She saw the vision...

Her Scarlet Veil has deserted Her.

She softly sobs into the sleeve of Her gown.

Never has reaching out eluded Her; She has always found solace in the fact that Hers was a higher calling..

But today, She doesn't sense that feeling of belonging that usually envelops Her;

Today, She is alone; today, She is rudely aware of Her surroundings;

he sinks to the ground, tucking Her feet under Her, She supports Her back on the wall;

She blames Herself, She has been tested and tried and has been found wanting;

And because of that, She will receive her Scourge;

Her punishment; Her penance...

She will receive it, whatever it maybe;

And then, when restitution has been paid fully;

She can receive instruction.

Armed with this thought, She smiles through Her tears.