PURE PARADISE...

Having had one of the shittiest days one could ever imagine,

I wanted,  needed a break...

More like a distraction.

I knew what would cure that...

Probably a little treat of icecream...

Toss in some chocolate, good music...

Probably a call from Him...

Yeah, that should put me in a better mood.

It should... but it didn't.

*****

Instead I ended up in a worse mood, much worse than how I had started out. 

I knew what I needed; I knew it was one of those days that called for totally, unabashed and embarassing behaviour.

I had gone to see Him...

Ofcourse, we had had sex...

No. not sex, we had 'made love'.

 But that was far from what I wanted.

I didn't want to make love, I didn't want to be cuddled and I sure as hell didn't want my hair to be stroked...

 

I knew what I needed... I knew how I wanted it done...

I knew that I wanted to be hoarse... I knew I wanted to have sweet pains...

I knew I wanted to shed tears of ectasy...

Hell, I even wanted to have bite marks.

I left His house feeling guilty because I knew that He wasn't the one I was going to call...

For what I needed, He couldn't give...

So I turned to the one who would make it all come true.

The one whom I reserved for occassions as this...

 He answers on the third ring and of course is ready to indulge my carnality...

Ours is an unspoken agreement; Ours is a beautiful understanding.

We are both so caught up in our guilt that we just choose to see past the wrong we do.

*****

He gets here, the object of my desire...my sinful pleasure...

We need not speak words... We only listen to that which the body speaks...

He gives me what I want, just the way I want it...

Surpassing every expectation; understanding every moan.

Me and mine... we speak the language of the gods...

He takes me to the pinnacle... my head floats.

Breathless... Speechless...Flawless...

I couldn't have asked for a better performance...

My need has been satisfied... My conscience creeps in...

Engraving in my mind the fact that my indulgence is a dangerous one.

But how do I ignore the flaming embers of desire?

How do I explain that there is the one that my heart needs and yet another that my body craves...

*****

With a long kiss... He leaves me...

Going home to the arms of his loving wife...

And I, to the arms of my waiting love...

And there He will be...

Until the next time, I have a shitty day...

 

INVINCIBLE...

The rain drops make a soft lullaby on the rooftops,

The gentle pitter-patter echoes the sound of life.

The curtains are drawn, the breeze whistling soft verses of poetry,

The sheer stillness speaks volumes.

I love the rain, it puts me in a serene kind of mood.

In actual fact, it gives me an excuse to stay indoors,

It gives me an excuse to stay hidden.

Mine is a story of a fallen angel,

Defeated, only in the mind, but an angel nonetheless.

I once read a story...

A story about a man...

He had everything one could ever imagine...

Lots of money, a trophy wife, a big house with the white picket fence,

Two beautiful children, a boy and a girl...

The perfect man with the perfect wife creating a picture of the perfect family...

Known by all, envied by most...

Remembered by a single bullet shot through the head...

That perfect man who lived the perfect life, met the perfect death...

How does this relate to me?

I'll tell you.

That perfect man, with the perfect life and I have some astonishing similarities.

Every one carries a secret, a dark shadow that lurks around the corner...

Waiting for that perfect moment...

Everyone has that thing that they are most ashamed of...

For me, that thing that I wish I never had...

That thing I am most ashamed of...

Is... ME.

I am the perfect porcelain doll...

Beautifully created... tastefully arched... skillfully polished...

Worthy enough to cost you your second, third, fourth and fifth glances.

Groomed in all social graces, courtesies and dips...

But that is as far as it goes...

******

An evil tradition beckoned...

And placed on me the heaviness of duty...

So I did, without batting an eyelid...

I did what was expected of me.

I married him, the man I hated...

The man I couldn't bear his presence...

The man who consumed the very life of me just by trying to love me...

Iwas a voiceless face... committed to a fate that mocked the concept of life itself...

The perfect death awaited me...

 In fact, Death paled in comparison to the trials that were ahead of me...

Oh yes, we were the perfect family; He was the perfect man, husband and father...

And ofcourse, I was the perfect woman, wife and mother...

That is until...

I ended the dream with a single bullet hole to his head.

That is my secret, This is my dark shadow.

Yet, every one looks on at me...

As the grieving widow.

Even the ones who should know better, choose to ignore...

I sat with them every day, dined with them...

And yet they looked everywhere for the killer...

Everywhere but here;

Right in front of them...