A DIFFICULT CHOICE.

So here I am, seated at this table, thinking to myself: should I or should I not? It is funny how everyday we are faced with thousands of decisions. What makes this one so special?Is it because I cannot tell where it is gonna lead? or maybe because I already know the answer but choose to go on lying to myself.


Either ways, I'm standing at a crossroads; mind you, there's nothing dramatic about being here. It is just that feeling of desperate helplessness; my brain has refused to function or send commands out. I linger in this moment enjoying the calmness, or should I say, supposed calmness because the truth is I'm not calm; far from it. I'm in an active state of confusion with thoughts running all around like a very busy market.


You know the largest and busiest market where you DREAD going? Where the humans are much more than the cars and every one is caught up in their own little narcissistic world and thinks their requests should be granted first? That's how the inside of my head is; only there are no people here, just words and thoughts and little elements of madness.


Am I saying that I'm mad? Hey, before you pull out your self righteous facade, hear me out. what do u call someone that has several streams of communication going on inside one small box? or have you been there when a thousand and one people are trying to get their messages across ALL AT THE SAME TIME? yeah, crazy right? I know but thats how you are as well. As a matter of fact, if you are not part of the people mentioned above, then i think you are leaning towards a state of destruction. 


Anyways, I asked at the beginning; Should I or Should I not? If I decide to, there's gonna be enjoyment, fun, a lil sadness here, a few tears there but all in all, beauty. However, it is not lasting, it may fade away in a month's time or a few weeks or today; it might stay forever who knows? And if I don't, I would never know what I may have enjoyed or what I would have been giving up. You never can tell really the prices we pay for the decisions we make.


What have I achieved in the end? NOTHING absolutely nothing! A wise man once said "indecision is a decision; you have decided not to decide". So I think that best describes me right now. I have actually decided not to decide. I'l go with the flow, do what I've gotta do; do what is required; play my part to the fullest and if I receive shinning accolades in return, so be it. and if I do not? well, thats not a question I wanna answer.