ALTER EGO

I am not a fetish person, neither do I believe in the fates or mysterious signs or reading the clouds and all of that. I think it is overrated. However, I read them because I find them... interesting, to say the least.
Everyone has a part they cover up, the part that shows who they really are, when they are not under the scrutiny of the society and they have uncovered themselves from the facade they present to the outside world. This other persona has been called all sorts of names; most of which are unfair, if I may say.

We live in a world where we have been taught to hide our animalistic tendencies; with good reason too, as we cannot be running on pure emotions and passions. So we have this thing, this umbrella that has set out for us, that which is considered "appropriate" and "acceptable". As a result of this, we are presented with an "ideal" way of living, everything is peaceful and everything is "normal", there seems to be no confusion as everything is laid out in black and white.

The problem lies when a situation presents itself and those uncultured feelings that have been suppressed all along decide to surface and when they do, we find it embarrassing, sometimes uncivilized and in extreme cases, horrible and revolting. I see the reason why we are told to put a leash on these things and I agree with them to an extent; but my question is: Who set this rules and regulations that we live by? a lot of things are under the term "society", Who or What is this "Society", are they humans? are they gods? do they have special powers? are they themselves normal? What is even "Normal"? the questions are many...

And thats where the English and semantics come in, you hear some terms like "relative", "personal", some say its "intuitive", others shrug and say" who cares"?. It is easy to say "who cares", but it stops becoming funny when you hear of murderers and rapists, thieves and sex offenders, raving lunatics and those that are termed"evil".

So we all have this other person, the one that we are ashamed of showing in public, the one we have hidden, the one whose voice plays inside our heads, the one we struggle with everyday.. We have this one who is crying out, the one who tells us to do things that we consider wrong, the one whom we try to shut out...
I fall under the zodiac sign known as Gemini, we represent duality, two extremes... sometimes when I read about these things, I marvel because of the striking similarities I see in my own person. This duality, I believe is manifest in our personalities.

I have been taught to be polite, to be courteous, to say words like "excuse me", "I'm sorry", "pardon me", "thank you" when I really want to say words like "go to hell", "who cares"?, and other words which I will not write here. I have learnt to smile when I really want to yell my head off, I have learnt not to pick my nose, not to talk  at the dinner table... I have been conditioned to be "ladylike" in my dealings, to sit with my legs closed and to do things that "real ladies"do. Sometimes, I hate it and other times, I accept it.

Then there are those times, when I shrug off the burden of all that and enjoy the very presence of me..., I unleash and do the things that I have always wanted to do and I feel... free. There is this rush of orgasmic pleasure that unveils itself and ecstasy is released... So what does that make me, the fact that I'm doing these things which are frowned upon? What is worse, that I am doing them or I  actually ENJOYING doing them?

I am no psychologist and I have no paper that proves I have made a world-changing theory, but I think if we all can just maintain a balance between these two personalities, it will be OK... How long do you wanna suppress the fact that you are a shoplifter when your public image is that of a shrewd business man, or the fact that you are sleeping with your neighbor's son when you are the upstanding governor's wife. Am I condoning it?, No, Am I in support? No, I am just saying that you get to know yourself and the things you can handle. You can lie to everyone but you cannot lie to yourself; and if for any reason you feel you cannot let it loose, then by all means don't. All I ask is do not be judgmental when you see other people indulging because given the chance, you will do the exact same thing in varying degrees, the only difference will be whether you are caught or not...